Despite Ozzie Guillen's optimistic Twitter post which basically promised that today was the first day of the rest of the White Sox lives, the unwatchable death march trudged on today with a 3-0 loss to the Tigers, their second shutout in as many days, completing a 3 game sweep that saw them score 1 run in 27 innings.
That's now, God let me get calculator, 11 of the 67 or so losses you are allowed to have and still have a playoff team that they've used up in the last 2 weeks. Despite a payroll north of $120M, they have the worst record in MLB.
It's only April, you may say. BABIP and VORP and UZR and you're an overreacting moron, others might say. Perhaps all those things are true, but let's look at some disturbing facts about the state of the franchise. (Note these may or may not be facts, I'll leave the fact checking to the sabremetricians, as I don't give a shit about sabremetrics or facts, which I think is why I am a White Sox fan, because they run their franchise by the seat of their pants, which is appealing to me)
1. It's well documented that the Minnesota Twins own the Sox. But now they've also lost 9 in a row to the Tigers. How you are supposed to win a division that contains two teams who you lose to every time you play them is beyond me. I'll leave that to the sabremetricians to figure out.
2. Every year it seems impossible that the whole team can go into a slump for an extended period of time. Yet every year they do. This isn't "hitting" coach Greg Walker's fault though. Any one hoping for him to be fired, give it up. At this point he's closer to getting a lifetime contract than getting fired, because if he is still here despite this shit happening year after year, he will always be here.
3. The rotation has nobody who can step up and shut another team down. John Danks is the closest, but his specialty is pitching well enough for you to lose 3-2.
4. The outfield defense is such a circus, it should have a tent over it. Juan Pierre has straight up dropped 3 fly balls already this year, and seems to be trying to catch the ball with his face. Alex Rios is doing interpretive dance routines in pursuit of fly balls. Carlos Quentin, bless his soul, dives at soft liners like he is gunning for reconstructive shoulder surgery.
5. Alfonso Dunn's grueling offseason preparation which consists of in his own words not picking up a bat has produced 23 strikeouts in 52 at bats, and an avg/obp/slg line that would be replacement level if he were a pitcher.
6, And if all this is not depressing enough for you, there is the tragic sight of watching Gordon Beckham try to have a successful at bat.
I did not mention the closer situation, where I think the Sox are 1 for 8 in save situations or something in that neighborhood, because its been 3 weeks or so since we've had a save situation, so fuck it.
On the bright side, the Sox head to the Bronx this week, so there is no bright side.
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